


Sinful and yet Flawless

by the_maraudersmap_of_fandoms



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, M/M, Not Beta Read, Retrospective, Season/Series 10, could be read in both side, destiel frienship or relationship, nothing happens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-11
Updated: 2017-08-11
Packaged: 2018-12-13 21:20:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11768628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_maraudersmap_of_fandoms/pseuds/the_maraudersmap_of_fandoms
Summary: From what Castiel had heard, it was about a match made up right there in Heaven. A match that would put an end at the fight between Hell and Heaven.





	Sinful and yet Flawless

**Author's Note:**

> Nothing after mid-season 10.

Castiel was old. Time might not have as much meaning for him as it have for humans, but he somehow knows he was old. Of course, there were Beings that were way older than him, his Father and Death, as well as the archangels, because Castiel was by far one of the younger angels upstairs. But yes, Castiel was an old Being and for a long time, he had been nothing more and nothing less than his brothers and sisters. He was a soldier whose job was to protect the Earth and fight against demons. 

It was, at least at first. Somewhere on the road, they succeeded to loose their purpose. When? Who knows… For how long? Who knows… Castiel knew it was somewhere between his brothers’ fights, after Lucifer fall without a doubt and after they lost track of God, but was Gabriel still in Heaven? Maybe… When did Gabriel left them again? That was a while ago. Yes, Time was meaningless for them, the only way angels really saw Time running away was by observing the Human Kind’s evolution and what they did to their planet. Observing them was like observing ants running around, searching what to bring back to their queen. Boring and yet fascinating. You somehow find a pervert pleasure in making their life harder, because it makes you feel powerful. But you don’t hate them, no. They’re so miserable that you feel some compassion for them and their meaningless existences.

Not many men had a destiny, mind all those medium and the common believe that God had a purpose in creating every man alive. If by any means, a man had a role to play in the world, he was meant to suffer. That was how things worked. At some point, Heaven started to become more and more interested in what was happening on Earth. From what Castiel had heard, it was about a match made up right there in Heaven. A match that would put an end at the fight between Hell and Heaven, they were creating the perfect vessels for Michael and Lucifer. Two brothers and it oddly reminded Castiel of Cain and Abel, but he knew better than to ask questions. He was a soldier and his job was to make sure his side would win the war. Nothing more and nothing less. 

Like any other angels, he kept an eye on those two vessels growing up. That was hard, not stopping the yellow eyed demon, urging against his instincts. He watched the two brothers getting closer and they splitting under the destiny that Heaven had written for the both of them. He watched them becoming soldiers because they had to fight in a war that was far above them. Finally, they were ready to be the vessels they were meant to be. 

First thing first, breaking the first seal that would deliver Lucifer. And this couldn’t happen without killing one of them, the older. Dean Winchester, Micheal’s sword, Michael’s vessel. The perfect little soldier, always following order. It would be easy to make him allow the elder archangel in. Sam Winchester would be another story, they all said. How wrong were they. Dean was brave and stubborn, it took some time to make him broke the seal. A lot of angels were sent into the Hell to bring the man back to life, it was a perilous mission that could go wrong really fast. Was Michael really so willing to lead that many of his brothers and sisters to a certain death just for a vessel? He could have choose someone with the same blood, his father. That would have been easier than to forced two brothers deeply loving each others to hate each other and to fight until dying. 

Castiel had been the one to find the righteous man, the sight somehow carved into his soul. He had blood all over him, his soul screaming in pain and horror of what he was doing, the guilt soaking from every bit of his being and his apple green eyes prying for peace that he knew he could never have. The angel had take no time to think twice, he reached to take a hold on the man shoulder, thinking to himself “Hold on tight!”, before screaming the message, with the most strength he could put into his mind:

\- I have Dean Winchester, I have the righteous man!

Castiel had seen the state of the soul, the least he could do was to try to give him back his body in the most perfect state possible. Did he succeed? Maybe, maybe not. One mark he left on the man was where his hand had hold onto him. On his shoulder was Castiel hand’s print. Castiel didn’t know why, never mentioned it to the others angels when they asked him if all was good with the vessel. How hard it had been not to tell them he was Dean Winchester, not just a vessel. They would have question his loyalty, which hadn’t to be question. He was an angel, he was loyal to Heaven and he would do all he had to do to keep it the way it was. 

Next time he saw the man, Castiel knew that he was different to every man the angel had met in his long life. He had seen people who didn’t think of themselves as worthy, but thinking that and being the righteous man… That was something new. Dean had so much self-esteem issues that he couldn’t believe an angel would raise him from perdition. Even when shown to him that he was. That moment was the moment Castiel knew he wasn’t anymore the perfect loyal soldier. 

He had tried going against his instincts to fail and then run to the Winchesters. He had tried seeing them like his brothers and sisters did: just useful vessels, useful meats that they will throw into the bin after the war, nothing more and nothing less. But they were more to Castiel. They were the men who taught him about what humanity means, about what God saw in them, about Free will, about being a family, about the good and the bad and where those two mixed together. If Angels had been created to protect the Earth and fight against the Hell, Human Kind had been created to give a sens to everything. What would be the Earth without them? What would be Angels and Demons without them? 

From the moment he had met Dean Winchester, Castiel had decided he would fight side by side with this man. He would bring him the peace he deserved so much, he would show him what he truly worth it. He would make the man love himself as much as Castiel loved him, he would show him how much of a hero he was. And he had failed. Father knew how much he had failed in his task, making Castiel hated himself a bit more every time. But somehow, Dean had never hold it against him. He even told him that Castiel had believed to be doing the good thing and that it was what mattered at the end of the day. No angel would have told that to Castiel and himself would never had like to be told so. That’s when he realized he was not an angel anymore…

Dean Winchester had made a man out of him. Castiel was a man in an “angel’s body”: fighting for the men, fighting for their believed, believing in what they believed, feeling their feeling, loving men, crying for men, prying for men… Castiel should have been angry, should have ran away, should have gone back home, should have gone back to the angels. But no. He had decided that he liked what he was. He liked being a man. Of all the things that Dean have done to him or for him, that was what Castiel was the most grateful for because each day, he was more like Dean, more like the man who had given a sens to his existence, more like the man he had loved from the first sight. 

Dean might not see what Castiel saw in him. He thought of himself as someone not worthy enough to whatever good thing live brought in his way, he saw himself as dirty and as a monster, he saw himself back into the Hell once he’d be dead for good, he saw himself as sinful. Castiel couldn’t see that. For him, the Winchester boy was brave, trustfully, loyal, a friend and a teacher. He was what God had imagined when he created the Human Kind. He fought for what he tought was the right thing, he fought to bring peace, he fought to make sure no one ever lives what he had to endure. And for all of this, Dean was flawless. 

Castiel was old, he knew it. He had saw God created the Man kind and told him and his brothers and sisters to love them. He had saw civilizations raise and fall, he had saw wars and peaces. He had saw the world coming close to its end. Castiel was old and yet, he looked up to a man that would never saw as many things as the angel did in his whole life. He looked up to a man that transformed him and Castiel hoped he could one day be like this man. He hoped he would be as sinful as Dean Winchester and yet flawless.


End file.
